Your birthday is coming to an end, but I figure I still have
time to get your annual birthday letter on paper before it’s officially over.
Happy 60th! I just turned on our favorite episode of Gilmore Girls,
so we can celebrate like old times.
I can’t believe this marks the third May 2 we’ll cross off
the calendar without you here to make your own cake. I always get anxious as
May approaches—your birthday, and the multitude of persistent retailers e-mailing
me with reminders that Mother’s Day is coming up. I so wish I could respond to
each of them, “Trust me. I know.”
I would say I miss you more this time of year, but that’s
not the case. I think it’s just a little more acceptable for me to talk about
how much I miss you. Nearly three years later, I still miss you every day. I
have wanted to call you, or turn and see you standing behind me, in every
moment of happiness and in every moment of disappointment these last three
years have shelled out. But I miss you most in the minutes each day I spend in
the car and in the minutes walking between meetings – those minutes I once
filled talking to you. I miss you in every insignificant moment only a mom
would think significant. I miss your advice. I miss your opinion. I miss your
laugh.
In the midst of the missing though, I see you everywhere.
Last weekend, I was driving to Notre Dame, and Dad – right on cue and in true
you fashion – called the second I pulled onto campus. I laughed when I answered
the phone then, just like I used to laugh when you did the same thing. You don’t
have to worry anymore, he’s taken over that responsibility. Whether your kids
are small or grown, I can’t imagine how stressful it must be to be their only
parent, the only person who can love your kids and care about them and worry about
them the way a parent would. I’d tell you he’s an amazing dad, but you already
know. And you would be proud.
And did you see? Luke cut his hair! He looks like your son
again (not a WWF wrestler)! And that mane went right into an envelope addressed
to Locks of Love—a move you no doubt inspired. He has an unbelievably big heart. You
would be proud.
I see you every time Mark even talks about his kids (don’t
worry – I’ll get to them in a minute). I would love to see you experience him
as a dad. It has amazed us all. And Maggie is such an incredible mom. The love
and patience they demonstrate and the joy they so obviously experience in parenting – you would be so proud.
And Adam, with his endless enthusiasm and energy, he’s a
constant reminder of you. You would envy the life he and Carrie are living.
They travel like you, albeit to even more exotic locales. They’ve been married
two-and-a-half years now. You were right. He, like Mark, found a good one. I think you
would have enjoyed having three daughters. Oh – and Adam’s also taken over the
job of Chief Information Officer (head gossip) for the family – you would
definitely be proud.
I’m guessing by now you would appreciate it if I got around
to your grandkids. Oh, Mom. They’re beautiful. They’re smart and they’re funny
and they’ve injected more life and more joy into this family than I could have
ever imagined. David just learned to clap, and Millie is a riot. She loves to
sing “Happy Birthday.” Tonight, she
sang “Happy Birthday to Grandma and Millie" (I think she adds herself every
time). I will never forget the way you reacted
when you found out you would be a grandma. I think of how you would look at the
two of them now, and I smile every time. You would have been such a good
grandma. Don’t worry. They know who you are. And you would be so proud.
I made a trip to the Grotto Sunday night to light a
candle for you. But then, I just kept lighting more – 61 in all – one for each
year that has passed since you were born, and one for the year ahead. With each
one, I made the same wish. My birthday wish for you is that wherever you are,
you see this – you see everything you
did on this earth, every life you made possible, every life you made better,
and every life you still influence today – and I really, really hope you’re proud.
We are celebrating your birthday this weekend in a way you
would have loved, along with your grandson’s first birthday. He’ll blow out one
candle tomorrow. And while I would promise to tell you all about it, I
know I won’t have to.
I’ll see you there.
Happy 60th birthday, Mom.
Love,
Ab
Ab
